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5 Stages of Being Drunk
- SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every
subject in the known Universe. You know you know
everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone
who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of
course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This
makes for an interesting argument when both parties are
SMART.
Stage 2
- GOOD LOOKING This is when you realize that you are the
BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people
fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing
they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind
that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person
about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3
- RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest person
in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar
because you have an armored truck full of money parked
behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage,
because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you
win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet
'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone
that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING
person in the world.
Stage 4
- BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with
anyone and everyone especially those with whom you
have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can
hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners
of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of
wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle
because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're
BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5
- INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this
point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You
dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy
because the rest of the people in the room cannot see
you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to
fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the
top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and
because you're still SMART you know all the words
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