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Toys
Answer me this, my friends: What
the hell has happened to toys today? I mean really. What happened to the Turtles? G.I.Joe has recieved his discharge as well. I want some goddamn toys with some class.
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Ok. I know one or two or God forbid three of you are saying, "Hey man! Bop-It is cool" Well let me tell you this, if you use this thing more than once every six months, youre a flaming gay.(not that there's anything wrong with that)
I mean c'mon guys. Yeah this game was fun for about 5 minutes on christmas day when you got it 2 years ago. Then you proceded to throw it against the wall because if by slim chance you made it past the 5th stage, it was impossible anyway. And if the original Bop-It wasnt bad enough . . .
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A new and improved Bop-It. Oh Happy Day! My every wish has been granted! All I want is a new, even more impossible version of the already horrible bop-it. And now it even comes in key chain-form!!!!
SWEET! Look at the pic. Tell me this isnt impossible. Even a contortionist with the speed of light in his arms couldnt pull this one off. And then you can buy it in key chain-form. Now instead of hands, you must use your fingers. That sounds like hours of fun.
Now its time for the enevitable crappiness of all time.
Now I dont have to say alot about these guys. Just look at these things. If you had a kid, would you want him playing with these? Yeah their cute and colorful. And downright great toys. NO NO NO! what am I saying? Look at this! These toys are crap. The toys have like no moving parts. They just sit there. With G.I.Joe and even TMNT you had some mobility. This is not so with Pokemon. These things move less than the kids on South Park. For about two years this was all my brother watched on TV. Damn. Many a saturday went to shit because of this damn infection we call Pokemon.
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Oh yeah!
Oh yeah!
TMNT rules! You cant tell me with a straight face that the world would be cool if TMNT hadnt been around. They gave us our language. Cool, awesome, righteous, and of course cowabunga. I also believe that pizza wouldnt be as popular today if not for those rad reptiles. Anyway, back to the crappy toys.
Oh God. Doug E. Fresh had to tell me about these hot items. Wow. I cant think of a word to describe this. Who watches that show? And who would buy those toys?
Tommy: Mom, for my birthday I want Xena figures!
Can you picture any kid saying that? Didnt think so. How could a kid play with these? How do these match up with Rapheal, Bebop, Flint, Snake Eyes, and The Shredder? They cant. The crappiness of these toys cant be measured with today's technology.
Tommy: Watch! I can make xena do her war cry! "Yayayayayayayayayayiiii!"
Man that is flammin.
Damn people, when are we gonna let the toy industry know how we feel. I vow that we should write to our toy makers and demand better toys. But since I know you guys are too lazy to do that, simply make fun of them to no end, like I do.
10/8/00
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