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The Land Before Time
I have come across something that really scared me, folks. You remember that movie The Land Before Time? Yeah. By far a great movie. So whats the big deal you say? I'll tell you. There are five of them. That's right. Five. That I know of. They come out like weekly or something so one can never be sure how many Land Before Time movies there actually are.
Now dont get me wrong. I love the original. It was done by Spielberg and Lucas. Cant go wrong with them. Now I am not sure if they did the others. I pray the didn't. Now let's take a brief look at the first flick in the ever growing pile of crap that is the Land Before Time series.
Now, I hope no one has any complaints with this movie. Everyone likes this movie. It teaches us how to get along with others, how to cope with tremendous losses, and how, despite all the odds, one can complete a goal. Bullshit. It just made us fall in love with saying "Yup Yup Yup!" Did anyone really like Little Foot or Cera? No way. Most everyone went to see Petry and Duckie. There was the occasional Spike fan but those guys wer few and far between. Why did the creators of this movie make the lead character such a loser? This friggin dino refers to his female parental unit as mother. Yikes. Who calls their mom mother? That's right, no one. Also, did anyone else get really confused with the where abouts of Little Foot's real parents? As far as I can tell, some female long-neck and her parents came upon this egg that just fell on them. They thought that they would keep whatever was inside. Good example. Hey kids, be like Little Foot's mother and steal babies. This was the best movie too.
Next please.
This is just what the first movie needed; a sequel. I didn't think it was a bad idea until I watched it. You remember all that singing in the first movie? No? Well good, there wasn't goddamn singing. So why did the creators of The Great Valley Adventure find it necesary to fill their with meaningless and horrendously boring songs? Your guess is as good as mine. Speaking of songs, have you ever noticed how extremely pointless singing is in cartoons? It serves no purpose. You know the singing I am talking about. The kind in all those annual Disney movies. One second Aladin is running away from a street vendor, and the second he manages to get away, he feels it necesary to sing about his trials and tribulations. No one gives a shit Aladin. Why must he sing. Do you actually realize how awkward that would be if people actually did that?
-Frank: Hey Walter, you wanna see a movie later?
-Walter: Movies . . .<gay music playing in the background that seems to emminate from the very air that he is breathing>
I would looooove, to watch a moooovie. With yooooooou, I'll watch a moooovie, I'll get some paaaaaaaapcorn, and some guuuuummie bears-
-Frank: What the hell are you doing asshole?!
You're singing in the damn mall about a movie! You're such a loser!
I am so glad the world is not like that. And if you thought the movie universe couldn't get any more gay... .
Now I know you're saying, "Damn not another sequel," but it gets worse, oh much worse. This sequel also came out in spanish. Yes spanish. Why the hell would anyone want The Land Before Time 3 in spanish? OOh spanish LBT: Ah, me gusta little-foot. Te tambien sus lijos Duckie. Yikes. Not to mention the inane songs. If anything, why not make the first LBT in spanish? That one was the best anyway.
Now I can't speak for anyone else, but I think one would notice from the combined profit of LBT 2 and 3, 87 cents, that no one liked LBT any longer. But, the writers
didn't notice. They decided to prolong America's turmoil by creating two more LBT's. When will the madness end folks?! I mean c'mon. That's four too many lands. I think that there will be more land before time's to come. But I think anyone could've guessed that. For now though, lets just burn the already existing copies.
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